Don't know what to say

I don't really know why I'm writing in this. I guess it's just because I have nowhere else to go maybe? I feel so drained. Maybe not always physically, but definitely always mentally and emotionally. I don't really know how to go about writing everything. There's so much stuff going on that talking about everything as much as I want to would lead to a 4 page post. (Is there a word limit on these things?) So I think maybe in this thing, I'll just sum up everything. I just need some outlet at the moment, because I'm literally bursting. And I'm at work and it's hard when I have to constantly keep from crying. I don't even know why I'm crying. I don't feel like crying, but I think it's just the only thing my body knows to do, you know? I've been saying for months that things just haven't been going good. I got my hopes up for no reason for Wheel of Fortune only to get rejected when I clearly was one of the best people there. But that's a whole blog in itself. And, sorry Josh but you know it's been on my mind, I've been waiting not-so-patiently for a proposal to happen which isn't going to happen for a long time. And frankly, most of the happy feelings that I had for it have gone now. I know I'll be the happiest I've ever been when it does happen, but for now I just don't even want to think about it because it makes me so unhappy. Not to mention I'm still trying to graduate, along with dealing with roommate issues, and helping to bear emotional burdens of friends in trouble. But above all right now, I'm in so much constant pain, it's making me feel completely alone. Because of it, I've run out of patience. I'm constantly frustrated, and it's making me be irritable towards people and situations that don't deserve it. And I am needing help and someone to take care of me, but nobody can do any of that. Not even my mom, who is the one person I go to when I'm in a pickle, can't do anything except come with me to the doctor in 2 weeks. Maybe if I'm just completely honest like I'm doing right now, the doctor will finally take me seriously for once. Just this feeling of seclusion is the worst. I've never been able to handle being alone. But being in pain and alone? No wonder I'm crying all the time. I guess that's all I really know to say right now. I don't really feel any better, but at least I'm not crying anymore.