38 more weeks...

So last week Josh got offered a photography job in Huntsville. Couldn't be happier for him. The job is perfect for him. Studio photography, some sporting events, and just the typical school setup stuff. The only bad thing that keeps this from being a career is that it doesn't pay enough to support a family with.(Though I know he wishes it did and will probably try his hardest to make it work so he doesn't have to leave.)

The worst part about that job is that it's in Huntsville. And I'm in Tuscaloosa. So we can only see each other on weekends. I know it's not that bad, things could be worse. But it's killing me inside. I don't do well being alone. No offense to my friends here, but they're not Josh. Even when I'm with my friends, I'm not completely there. My mind is always on Josh. I don't know how to stop that. I wish I did. I'm not happy anymore. When Josh left, it was like he took my life with him. I'm just this empty shell of a person, just barely functioning enough to get by day to day. My heart is in Huntsville and I can't get it back for another 38 weeks. I'm physically sick from this. I wake up at all hours of the night. I have headaches constantly (probably from crying so much). My IBS has come back with full force making me sick multiple times a day.

I keep telling myself things will get easier. I don't think they will. I think I'm going to keep living my life like a robot until May. I might stop crying every day, but I know I won't care about anything here. The only thing that brightens my day is talking to Josh in the afternoon or evening. The only thing that gives me a boost to make it through my day is the random texts that Josh is able to send every now and then while he's at work. They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Fuck that. My heart is fond enough thank you. It can't get any more fonder. All it can do is ache while he's away.

On a lighter note, all this separation is helping me lose weight for the wedding day. I've already lost 3 pounds. Only like, 20 or so more to go. If I lose a pound a week, I'll be looking great on that wedding day.

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I like watching the ducks play in the bushes outside my office window. :)