Tomorrow's going to be rough. Can't sleep. Between self pity and too much Steak and Shake, I think I might be up allllll night. I don't want to ramble much. I feel awkward sitting downstairs at Josh's house while everyone's asleep.

I'm so jealous of Josh so very often. To make a long story short, because of an invite to a b-day party/big ol' high school friends reunion next week that Josh got, I'm now just crying and feeling sorry for myself like an idiot. Cuz it's making me think of how I don't have highschool friends anymore. I mean, after my family moved to Mobile, that was it. I lost the home that I grew up in and loved. I lost my boyfriend of almost 2 years. And after a short while, I lost touch with just about everyone I hung out with in school. I had Dustin up in T-town with me, but now even we're not even friends really anymore. And I have Joann and Tim, but Joann and me were mainly church buddies, and I never hung out with Tim until college. So yeah, I can talk to Tim about general things with NHS, but I see Josh reminiscing with Jason and Jordon and Greg about all the things they used to do. I hear countless stories of his high school days. I have nobody to talk to about the things we used to do in Dothan. Nobody that experienced them with me. And really, because of that, I'm starting to forget a good portion of my high school years. I loved high school. Every year. And I have nobody to share that with. And it sucks. And I know this is very mean to say, but I still don't forgive my parents. I know it was good for them to move. But I lost many good friendships and memories because of it, and it's going to be a long while before I get over it.

There's more I could say, but I just don't really want to. I know a lot of people know how I feel. Tim, if you read this, I think you probably know better than anybody.

Just sucks. I want what he has and I can't have it. And it hurts when I see him so happy.